a different ending
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
I remember March 12 pretty vividly. Everything around the country was shutting down or moving virtually - schools, live performances, flights, borders, gyms, restaurants, the freaking NCAA tournament and Disney World. My coworkers and I didn’t fully understand the gravity of everything yet. I don’t know anyone who did. We joked about social distancing and new 6-foot rules - talked about how awkward that would be, especially because we work at a place with a lot of serious rule followers.
During my drive home that day, I left a voicemail for a friend, telling her March 12 would be a day we would remember - the one where the world stopped. Within a few days, I was told to start working remotely, and I never got to see how awkward the new 6-foot rules would be around my colleagues. I was one of the lucky ones though, and I knew it, because many jobs paused or ended completely.
Our stories the last six months are all unique, but I know our lives all changed dramatically that week with COVID-19 marking the beginning of the end of “normal” life. It was an end that we hoped would be temporary - a few weeks, maybe a couple of months. And now here we are, more than six months later. We’re not quite in quarantine anymore, but we’re not in a space that feels normal either. As Dorothy might say, we’re not in Kansas, and yet, we’re not over the rainbow. Some days it feels like we’re still in a crazy Wizard of Oz tornado with the Wicked Witch of the West cackling at us while riding by on her bike.
Six months ago, we collectively started a new beginning and I think a lot of us hope that the continuous change will end when midnight strikes on Jan. 1, 2021. We keep saying, “Uggghhh, 2020,” while laughing at memes of dumpster fires, somewhat inferring that 2021 will be better. Humans like finish lines. We like having control and being able to predict better times. However, if there’s anything this year is teaching me - it’s that life can be uncertain for a long time and beginnings and endings can intertwine within what feels like a mess. It’s not just COVID-19 we’re collectively dealing with, of course. It’s just one of many big things that put this year on tilt.
I’m reminding myself that there is still a lot of good and beauty within difficult years and unspecified timelines. In some ways, this gives us more flexibility to take risks and try new things. For me, not everything about 2020 has been terrible, and I’ve made some happy, unique memories. There have been snapshots, evenings and weekends with people I love, a lot of positive virtual communication, and meaningful work. I try not to take for granted the time I spend outside because fresh air and sunshine is one of the simplest and profound gifts I have right now, especially when I consider others who live near wildfires or spend day after day in hospitals and care facilities.
I’m also trying to remind myself that we can create our own beginnings and endings in the center of the unknown. The ability to create and dream and accomplish goals isn’t lost, even if timelines and the way they’re accomplished looks different than what we expected.
In some ways, we get to choose different endings - better ones - than what those 2020 memes portray. Starting lines and finish lines can happen now - on Mondays, on birthdays, on the first day of every month, on the day we begin a new hobby, the moment we mend a broken relationship, when we stop choosing toxic things and people, when we apply for a new job, when we launch a new website or business, when we use our voice for something important, when we vote, when we explore a new trail, or complete a goal.
We get to imagine and have influence on the rest of this year and beyond, and it can still be pretty amazing. In some ways, we still get to choose what the next new normal will be, and how good we can make it. I’m looking forward to beneficial endings and positive beginnings we choose, right in the middle of everything else.